Unforgettable LGBTQ+ Destination Wedding in Oaxaca: Celebrating Love and Tradition

September 18, 2024

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In our hearts, we always knew our wedding would be somewhere in Mexico, but at first we didn’t know where. We agreed that we were looking for colonial charm and fantastic food from a destination. Oaxaca struck us as the perfect place not only for those criteria, but also because of its embrace of the LGBTQ+ community with its rich history of muxes (a gender identity unique to the Zapotec region of Mexico), and of course mezcal!

Once we decided on Oaxaca, we knew right away that we would want to have the ceremony at Jardin los Lavaderos at the Quinta Real. The hotel immerses patrons in its nearly 500 years of history, and the backdrop of the Lavaderos edifice reminds viewers of the many colorful lives that the city of Oaxaca has lived, yet its canvas remains intact. The very same can be said of Proyecto Murguia; it offers an invitation to Oaxaca’s unique history and culture.

Sunil proposed to José on a wintery weekend getaway to the mountains of Lake Arrowhead, California. He knew he wanted to surprise José with a proposal staged as a casual photoshoot from the balcony of the A-frame cabin they were staying in, but it was so thick with snow that he decided to stage it from inside with the snowy backdrop in view from behind them. While José was under the impression that the camera was only taking photos, Sunil set it to record a video of the special moment when he dropped to one knee with the yellow gold ring José had long been eyeing. And after a brief moment of pure shock and joy, José gladly accepted Sunil’s proposal.

The wedding planning process For the most part, it was surprisingly easy and enjoyable! Of course, it helped having our incredible wedding planner Friederike from Oaxaca Destination Weddings to ensure all of our concepts and requests were handled far in advance. What also helped us was being aligned on the overall vision of how the wedding should look and feel early on, including taking some creative and non-traditional risks. The rest fell into place after that.

THE WEDDING DAY

All of our guests had no idea what to expect other than to come to Oaxaca and show up to the ceremony venue at 4 pm. We intentionally kept everything a surprise; not even our closest family members had seen our wedding outfits! This ended up being a great choice because we were able to witness just how stunned and impressed our guests were with our selections.

For ourselves, we felt strangely confident and comfortable going into our big day. We fully trusted in Friederike to be our guiding light and to have taken care of all the moving parts. It wasn’t until we were just about to walk down the aisle that the strong swell of emotions hit us. The moment we made eye contact with our guests on our walk down the aisle, it was all over… so many tears! Fortunately, by the time we reached the altar, our tunnel vision kicked in; it was as if only we were standing there with each other. If there really had been 120 guests watching us, we had been so focused on each other that naturally we forgot they were in attendance.

The rest of the evening, of course, was a tremendous high for us. From the calenda in the streets of the center of town to the reception and after-party, we noted how things played out far better in person than they had in our minds. While we wish we could do it all over again, at least we have truly unforgettable memories to hold onto for as long as we live.

The ambiance of the wedding ceremony: As a queer couple, we couldn’t conform to the concept of hosting a “traditional” wedding. Every decision was “100% us”, which was a highly liberating path to pursue.

First, we opted to do a symbolic wedding ceremony, but we included nods to our roots, which included the handcrafted charro outfit José wore to honor his Mexican heritage, and the jodhpuri jacket from India that Sunil wore to honor his Indian ancestry.

Pre-ceremony, guests congregated in Jardin los Naranjos where they were served traditional Oaxacan canapes and an option of passionfruit, tamarind, or cucumber-lemon mezcalinis. Acoustic guitar by Trovador Beto Hernandez provided a soothing soundscape as guests waited and mingled.

To start the ceremony, guests were quick to observe that we didn’t have a Flower Girl, but instead there were two Flower Boys. The Flower Boys were then followed by our Ring Queen. Clearly, we wanted guests to figure out we questioned customs even as small as those in planning our big day. The grooms chose to walk down the aisle together (without parents) as the tune of “If I Could Fall In Love” by Selena played in the background by acoustic guitarist Beto Hernandez.

In being true to ourselves, we decided to nix a wedding party. This ensured that all of our closest loved ones could fully appreciate all the surprises we had planned. Instead, we invited a small handful of our closest family and friends to participate in the ceremony in small yet personal ways, such as reciting an original poem, officiating, or being our “madrinas” for the lasso ceremony (the lasso is a custom in Mexican bodas).

Our vows were both original works. In his vows, José shared his unique and private experience as a gay man. Sunil, on the other hand, shared his gratitude for José’s family by reciting a portion of his vows in Spanish.

As we walked out, acoustic guitarist Beto Hernandez played “Tequila” to kick off the festivities for the remainder of the night.

We never gravitated to the idea of having a color theme in the sense that we normally think of when we think of wedding colors. Instead, we wanted to highlight the rich backdrop of the beautiful city of Oaxaca. To not take the eye away from the beauty of the city, we prioritized earth tones and neutral colors. Pampas grass and warm-colored flowers that matched the scenery we used for the ceremonial arch.

As with the ceremony, we opted for earth tones and neutral flowers to bring out the colonial charm of the rustic venue. For table settings, we prioritized local pottery; a mix of barro negro, verde and rojo (black, green and red pottery) were used on the tables, which were lit with warm candles. On each table guests quickly found a specially-marked bottle of mezcal with the groom’s name on it. In keeping with being non-traditional, the toast would use the mezcal in place of champagne to honor the grooms.

Upon entering the reception venue, guests found their escort card with an image of a traditional Mexican loteria card, which represented their table assignment.

Food was served by one of Oaxaca’s finest restaurants Casa Oaxaca, and we were privileged to have celebrity head chef Alejandro Ruiz, who had been overseeing the kitchen that evening, greet guests during our words of welcome. Shortly after, one of our many surprises of the evening arrived. Mariachi de Alcalá, a mariachi group of 9 singers and players, entertained guests with a 90-minute set of classic mariachi songs. Their final number was “Hermoso Cariño” to which the grooms danced their first dance. Afterwards, the party began!

Early into the festivities, José and Sunil changed into their late-night outfits. They each wore different-colored matching tops by Phix. Similarly, with their pants, they wore different colors of the same pants with José keeping it classy with black whereas Sunil opted for burgundy. José wore white vegan leather heeled boots while Sunil’s heeled boots were vegan snakeskin.
After much dancing, it was time to cut the cake. A three-layered lemon cake with an assortment of Oaxacan late-night snacks awaited the guests.

Shortly after the cake was cut, guests found themselves as audience members of a surprise drag show with three local drag queens performing. Each queen graced the audience with two shows each, multiple outfits, and even acrobatics. In keeping with customs of drag shows in the US, Sunil and José planted cash tips in the audience for guests to offer the drag queens. But as guests grew quite comfortable with the drag show, guests opted to tip out of their own pockets. Even Sunil’s 88-year old grandpa tipped them!

The dancing and celebrations would continue long into the night. Guests would recapture their dancing energy with carajillos (an iced beverage of coffee and licor 43), and fresh tlayudas made by Casa Oaxaca.
Outfits: Both José and Sunil knew they couldn’t get married in traditional tuxedos or suits for their special day. They had to wear something truly unique to each of them. And what better way to do so while also honoring their respective ancestries.

José’s suede charro jacket was handcrafted in Guadalajara by Trajes Charros Pura Sangre. His boots from Tecovas were designed in Austin, Texas but made and sourced with materials from Guanajuato, Mexico. Sunil opted for a modern, peach silk jodhpuri jacket designed and made in India. He chose Monaco slippers by Taft to tie Indian and Western styles together. Sunil and José wore matching linen pants from Zara.

Additionally, the surprise drag show ended up being a huge hit. The topic of drag has become a divisive topic in the US, and being able to show our guests what it really is with queens from the Oaxacan community was an opportunity for them to observe an art form without judgment. In a way, watching our family openly embrace these drag queens felt like they were also embracing our queerness.

Our advice: Keep the decision-making to you and your spouse. The more you can keep a surprise, the more fun it’ll be.
If you can, do a destination wedding (and if so, don’t overlook Mexico).
Both brides and grooms, break in your shoes well before ceremony day! We didn’t and we paid a handsome price for it in the form of blisters and very sore feet afterward.

Photography by Orqui del Rio

Cake & Desserts Sweet & Salty

Catering Casa Oaxaca

Celebrant Tabatha Mata

Ceremony Venue Quinta Real Oaxaca (Jardín Los Lavaderos)

Decorative Elements Ornato Eventos

Engagement & Wedding Rings Holden Rings

Entertainment Barbuchona, Mariachi de Alcalá, Matlazihua Del Toro, Monos de Calenda Chepanes, Sirena Santana, Trovador Beto Hernández

Florist Ornato Eventos

Hotel GranaB&B

Jacket bodylinestore, Trajes Charros Pura Sangre

Lighting / Sound Hire RMZ-MIX